boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
