I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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