I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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