Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
