I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
