Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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