Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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