so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize