I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Houston, we have a squirter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
