If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You did what with his pubic hair?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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