It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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