I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
