if you like me you must not know who I am
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A+ Viking dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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