I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
