Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
