carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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