Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
