I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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