There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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