Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
