I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
