help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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