so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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