i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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