Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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