just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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