I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
