I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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