What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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