I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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