I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
