i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
