I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
