is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
