apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
