I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
