Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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