i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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