Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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