Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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