Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
