i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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