A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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