My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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