he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
do nipples grow back?
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