My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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