dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
