I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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