It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
