i love accidental penises.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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