Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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