My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
