I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
