apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
