he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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