Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
