Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
