That's intense
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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