i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You need Xanax blowdarts
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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