i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
