there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
