i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize