He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
