come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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