You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
