I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
