I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
