Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
